As my eyelids opened and I faced the dreadful morning that had hung over my heart and mind for the past week, the Lord gave me two precious words that were my saving grace for that day: Be still.
“Be still, Megan, and know that I am God.”
“Okay,” I thought, “that I can do.” So I set my feet to the ground, knowing that although my body was doing the walking, God was the strength behind each step.
I broke up the day into steps; moment by moment. First, my task was to get dressed and ready. Be still I thought. Endure a 10min car ride to the church where my husband’s body lay. Be still I told myself over and over again. Walk through the doors of the church to see a flag covered casket. Be still. Sit and listen to songs and words about Jesus and my husband who was with Him. Be still. Stand and face a crowd of people and share with them about my beloved man who always pointed me to Christ. This would have been exceptionally difficult in my own weak strength, especially since I have an incredible fear of speaking in front of large groups and being the center of attention. But this day was different; I was still. He stood for me. He spoke for me. I just repeated be still over and over throughout the course of the the events of the day, and He was faithful. From embracing hugs to listening to Taps play at the cemetery. From watching the F-16s zoom over in the missing man formation to being handed a flag in remembrance of Garrett. Every step of the way, He was there. I felt like Joshua about to cross the Jordan River during those moments. Moses, the great leader, was gone. God commissioned Joshua to be the new leader and lead His people. He told Joshua:
“Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west. No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.” Joshua 1:1-6
God had commissioned me to walk through that day; to cross that Jordan River, which seemed like such an enormous feat. But all He asked me to do was be still and know that He is God. He gave me every place where I set my foot. I continue to rely on His strength and trust Him with each step. Every day I move forward with God leading the way. What a relief it is to know that:
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11
I just need to focus on the day at hand, or even just the moment, and I trust God to lead the way. He has been faithful. And I know He will continue to be faithful to provide what I need, and what you need, even in our darkest moments.