I'm sorry to leave you hanging with this post. It has taken me such a long time to finish because I found it such a challenge to put this experience into words. If you missed the previous posts, here is part one and part two.
As my hands sink down beneath the soapy water, my mind shifts upward like the tiny bubbles that float from the tub. And even though I am kneeling here in this lowly place, my thoughts are high. I remember Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were thrown into a fiery pit, but they were rescued; not one thread on their clothes was singed. I remind myself that the Almighty Hero in that story is writing my story, and He is still writing The Story.
While my boys splash in the tub, my phone rings. It’s my dear friend offering me words of encouragement; honey to my soul. She knows as the days move closer to surgery, I am fearful of the possible outcome. One thing she says stands out amongst the rest. “You know, I’m excited to see how God’s going to reveal His glory. Because one way or another He will.”
There it is. That shift that I needed. It’s as if the track was skipping on the record, and I needed to lift it and set it in its rightful place. Ah yes, this isn’t about me. This was and is never about me. I finally get out of the way and I realize this is about Him and His Glory. I remember that God’s glory will be inevitable. I can trust Him with that. Sometimes the way we want it to look and the way He wills it to look can be completely different, but the Rescuer will always come through.
As soon as I get off the phone, a song I haven’t heard since my own Sunday school years comes to mind and I start singing the words; I think more to myself than the boys, “Our God is so big,” I belt out, “so strong and so mighty…there’s NOTHING our God cannot do!” I have their complete and utter attention now. We sing it together again and again with motions and all. An intense joy is welling up inside. I tell them that I am supposed to have surgery in just two days. That a doctor has to cut into my body and take out something that’s not safe to stay in there. But because God is SO big and can do anything, I ask them to pray that God would just do it instead and that I wouldn’t need surgery. And right there, amongst the bathwater and bubbles, my sweet precious babies whisper prayers for me.
I put the boys to bed and look again at my Well of Hope and allow the verses to sink down deep in my soul. And I keep praying these verses as I have throughout the last several days. The one prayer that is at the forefront is:
My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck me out of the net. Psalm 25:15
But now my desire behind the prayer has changed. Instead of “pluck me from this net, to save me,” it’s become, “pluck me from this net, for Your Glory!”
I pray that there’s a way for me to get another ultrasound the day before surgery to check and see if the cyst is gone.
And God opens up the door.
The day before surgery, they squeeze me in for an ultrasound to check on the suspicious cyst…
The same cyst that was there four months ago on my CT scan.
The same cyst that showed up exactly the same size as the CT scan just two and half weeks ago on my initial ultrasound.
The same cyst that sent me to an oncologist who scheduled surgery and sent me “Facing a Hysterectomy” pamphlets and pre and post-surgery instructions that were strewn across my countertops.
The same cyst that caused my calendar to be marked with a surgery date and a post-op appointment and scheduled meals being provided by friends.
That same cyst is checked again by the same ultrasound technician and she is completely tight-lipped. When I press in for answers telling her I have to begin my pre-surgery prep soon, she tells me to contact the doctor in about an hour.
Later in the day, I finally am able to speak with a nurse at my oncologist’s office. She says, “your ovary is now completely normal and there is no cyst! Surgery is canceled. The doctor is really surprised with these results since you just had the initial ultrasound a few weeks ago!”
I fall to the floor in amazement. God took it all away. He rescued me from this, and so much more.
GLORY! Yes God’s glory is revealed. My prayers are answered. Never in my life have I felt the utter joy that overwhelms my body. Tears fall and I praise the God who rescued me and plucked me from the net.